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05 May 2012 @ 08:13 pm
Lily's goodbye  
Title: Lily's Goodybe
Alternate Title: Lily's Awakening
Author: xobabybirdox
Type: Poem
Rating: G
Trigger: Suicide
Notes: Wrote this one last night at 4am and on lots of painkillers




She sat on the ledge and played with her hair
running her fingers through each and every strand
the blonde strands danced in the wind as soon as she let go
while her green eyes took in the trees swaying beneath her
and the stream that seemed to twinkle under the stars
She pulled out two lilies from her hair
one red and one white
she ripped off the first petal and watched it float down
“thanks for the smiles” she whispered to the air
The other petals followed
all landing in the stream
“thanks for the laughter”
“the dreams,”
“for picking me up when I was down.”
“For making me feel beautiful”
she whispered with ever petal that dropped to the ground
She reached the last petal and stared at it for a long time
a tear slowly rolling down her face
she let the petal go and whispered to no one but her
“my oh my oh my, you made me believe.”
She sat for a moment watching the petals disappear
the current stealing her thoughts one by one
she turned to the red one and ripped off the first
“Thanks for the doubts” she screamed
“The heartbreak”
“The guilt.”
“The secrets we kept”
“The uncertainty I felt”
She screamed into the night ripping the last red petal from its steam
“Thanks for making me love you.”
With the last petal floating down the girl stood up
and like a baby bird first taking flight,
she stepped off and followed the petals path
He sat up straight, trying to breathe
while he convinced himself it had just been a dream
he reached for his phone, just needing to hear her voice
but he noticed that 37 missed messages and calls were left
“it’s too late” his mother said barging through the door.
He knew what she meant before she uttered the words
“I’m sorry, but she’s gone.”
They buried her deep within the sand,
while others hurdled around with tears in their eyes
a raindrop fell from the sky just then, clinging to a leaf afraid to fall
He shook is head and headed up to say goodbye
unable to fight it any longer it, the raindrops falls
It hits the boys cheek ,he looks up and smiles,
and places a single white lily upon her chest.
Tags: , ,
 
 
Current Location: Bedroom
Current Mood: crappycrappy
Current Music: None
 
 
 
Viviennewriting2death on May 14th, 2012 04:27 am (UTC)
well, that was more dramatic than I expected it to be.

I liked it though.
xobabybirdox: Crayon Heartxobabybirdox on May 14th, 2012 05:39 am (UTC)
It was weird. I was lying in bed and the entire poem wrote itself in my head. I couldn't sleep so I got up and wrote it down. As soon as I finished I fell asleep.

I am surprised you liked it actually. It isn't the normal fluff I write but I am starting to think I am not very good at writing fluff.
Vivienne: Random - sand heartwriting2death on May 14th, 2012 06:19 am (UTC)
I can give you an involved critic of what I think, but tbh I'm not very good with poetry so I wouldn't actually take anything I say seriously.

I find some of it heavy-handed, but I liked that in the end he was smiling, if that made sense. idk. I suck at poetry, but I liked it anyway.

Also, near the end, you have check where you should have cheek, I think.

xobabybirdoxxobabybirdox on May 14th, 2012 01:35 pm (UTC)
I shall fix that.

Thanks!
girl_distrait_9: headbanginggirl_distrait_9 on December 19th, 2012 10:15 pm (UTC)
my thoughts
I really enjoyed reading this. I only read it once so far and there are a few things I don't understand yet, but I feel this is a very promising attempt to write something beautiful.
xobabybirdox: Pixie dustxobabybirdox on January 16th, 2013 03:09 am (UTC)
Re: my thoughts
thank you so much, that means a lot to me!